Tuesday, May 12, 2009


This is difficult. Especially in the Babylonian culture that we live in. To obey God's commands even when our culture says it's OK to do things my way ! More on this later

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Monday, March 3, 2008

My Burdens are Light

Come to me and I will give you rest - all of you who work so hard beneath a heavy yoke. Wear my yoke - for it fits perfectly - and let me teach you; for I am gentle and humble, and you shall find rest for your souls; for I give you only light burdens. Mathew 11:28-30

This morning in our walk, I did realise that my burdens are light. That his testing of me is pretty gentle... I have not been greatly stricken... I am cared for and provided for well. I also realise that I must deepen my faith. That his seeds are sown in shallow soil with many weeds, and they do not run deep in me. He is currently testing to deepen my faith, to strengthen my patience.

So today, as the testing begins, what do I do? I was definitely upset... But I gave a hug and a compliment, rather than a complaint and a whine... or perhaps I gave them all, but led with the hug? Richard was not on the top of his game, he never is... I did not give him much encouragement, but I did listen to his searching story w/o taking it personally and w/o criticism. I need to do better, Lord. I need your strength and patience so I can provide real encouragement. I need your patience so that I don't go for upset, first, and have to battle back angry words.

Your burdens are light Lord. Please forgive me for complaining and being doubtful. Please strengthen my faith dear Lord and my patience. I am weak and you are strong, make me into the person you want me to be dear Lord.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

He Will Pick Me Up

My life these days is very complicated. Much going on, none of it easy. And sometimes the smallest problem sets me over the edge to crying. I could really use God's Grace right now to make some of this easy. I am not strong enough to do it by myself.

2 Peter 5:10 - After you have suffered a little while, our God, who is full of kindness, through Christ will give you his eternal Glory. He personally will pick you up, and set you firmly in place and make you stronger than ever. 11 - To him be all power over all things fo rever & ever. Amen

This is my prayer, Lord. Please pick me up and make me strong. I submit to your will and wish to serve you. Please keep your promise.
Signed, Your servant and child.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Stumbling Along

Each day I try my very best to walk in Christ, to live as he would have me live. Each day, I fail. I take my walk with God in the morning, talking praying, asking, listening. By the time I get home I usually feel pretty good and encouraged for the day. If I am by myself, working, I am pretty good. But dealing with others is challenging right now, mostly because I am still living in fear. Fear of running out of money. I have committed to so much that I cannot pull off alone and many of the humans that I have enlisted to help me are not helping me a great deal. I have turned them over to God, I have thanked God for the help he has sent me. But there are still a couple of people that are on my payroll that are not producing. Let them go, you say ! But it is not that easy, they are friends in need and it was meant to be a long term project....

I pray to God to carry this burden that he has given me. But I still feel as though I am carrying it.

But back to me and my failures. One morning this week, my husband had just gotten home the night before from a long business trip. I was happy to have him home, but for some reason, my mind started in on all my worries when I awoke in the morning. So I started to read my bible, it was early and he was trying to catch a little more sleep, had gotten in late the night before. We both started to get up for the day, and he said he was going out to do some errands. This upset me because we needed to talk and get caught up and I wanted to have breakfast with him. He could not understand my upset, and I got even more upset. We ended up in a huge fight, yelling, slamming doors, etc. And I had just finished praying for help in this relationship ! I was using logic with my husband, trying to make him understand my upset. He never did understand me. Is this an example of where I need to submit to my husband? And what about him cherishing me? I am not sure, but I am pretty sure that I failed to act as Christ would have me act. I know I don't have the strength right now to do this on my own. I ask for him to strengthen me and live in me every moment of every day. I am studying his word, I am praying and praising him, I am spending time with other Christians and I am still failing. Please Lord, do not abandon me. I am your child and your servant, I need you !

Friday, January 25, 2008

Trust in the Lord with all your Heart

I just re-listened to this sermon from Jim Mackinga at Baycities Church in Redondo Beach, CA. I have it recorded from a previous Sunday, thank God for their foresight and ability to preserve them like that !

He is talking about how God wants us to deal with pain in our lives. And this sermon series came in very good timing for me! Thank God again for sending Jim Mackinga and Baycities church !

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6

There are so many things these days that I just don't have the answers for. So many difficulties that I am unsure of what to do. And, of course, I have some solutions I would like to put into action, but I am not sure that they are the right course. Throughout my life, I have been pretty decisive, and a doer. I have accomplished a lot and people describe me as persistent and successful. But I am currently out of my league, and I think that God planned on that, to sort of force my hand... to turn to him. There are a couple of different issues that I have turned over to him and I am now diligently waiting for him to provide the answers, the solutions.

It is not easy for an action oriented, controlling person to give control over to God, and wait. But that is what I am doing. I trust in you, dear Lord. I know that you can solve these problems in my business and in my relationships. I am keeping my eyes and heart focused on you Lord, every day. And I am waiting and trusting in you for the answers.

Non-believers, and even my old self, would think that this sounds lazy, or easy or il-advised. But it's not... It's not lazy, I have to work on focusing on God, when I want to go out and manipulate the situation and the people. It's not easy, I tend to worry, which is not right, and not very trusting. I have to continually turn it back over to God. It's not il-advised - God has the power and the wisdom and the love to provide all the answers that I need. Who on earth could possibly come up with a better answer than God !? Certainly not me.

Once again Lord Jesus, I ask for your guidance and I give my life over to your will. Please show me the way lord to solve these business problems and fix these broken relationships. I am your trusting servant, Father. Please take the throne of my heart and make me into the person you want me to be. And thank you for Jim Mackinga and Baycities Church.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Stumbling Block - Faith

I could never answer the question -' Why should I have faith in some unseen, unproven thing !?' and most of the time I didn't need to answer it. Most of the time my faith was just there, I had enough to get me through what I needed it to get me through... But in recent years, after prolonged struggles, my faith began to waiver somewhat. I thought perhaps I had been abandoned or God just wasn't there for me anymore, or maybe there was no personal God watching out for any of us.

But in my recent renewal of faith, I am coming closer to answering that question, at least for myself. And when I read from the Old Testament and see how difficult it was to gain salvation. There was a time when God's tolerance of our sins wore out and he wiped things out. There also seems to be a lot of complicated instructions that come from God, that would have been very difficult to complete. So now, in that light, putting my trust in Jesus Christ and knowing that I will have forgiveness for my mistakes, seems extremely easy and I am very grateful for it ! What a great love he must have for us to give us this great gift !

So where faith had been a stumbling block for me in the past, now that I have been broken down to absolutely needing his help in my life, and reading from the Old Testatment, what it was like w/o that redemptive powers... Faith is not my stumbling block any more. I am very thankful for Jesus Christ for taking the punisment for my sins and I give my life to him - my Lord and Savior. May he take the throne of my heart and make me the kind of person he wants me to be.

If you are looking for me, you will find me on they way... not in the way - Romans 9:33

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Live Every Day With Joy and Without Fear

To experience joy every day and to live each day without fear is what I ask, and I believe what Christ offers when we walk in him and him in us.
Stay away from the love of money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, I will never, never fail you nor forsake you. That is why we can say without any doubt or fear The lord is my helper and I am not afraid of anything that mere man can do to me.
Hebrew 13:5-6
My biggest fears are around money, losing it, not having enough of it... Yet, God has always provided for me very generously. So why do I doubt him and fear this? These are earthly fears and doubts from Satan. Please forgive me Lord for my doubts and faithlessness. I confess that I am weak, but in Christ, who strengthens me, I can do all things.
It is not even money that I desire. I desire to live fully, with Joy and Love, to feel the purpose of life that God has given me. Today I put my fears aside, with the knowledge that Christ is my Lord and Savior and he has promised to lift me up and save me and forgive me.
When I have even the smallest fear I will say - The Lord is my helper and I am not afraid !